Misfit Mama

“Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay.” - The Dalai Lama

Background: My parents divorced when I was about 10. My mom moved us to Philly, uprooting me from a two-parent, middle-class family environment, in Savannah, GA to the mean streets of South Philadelphia. Though I consider Philly home, the abrupt move was a culture shock; teaching me my first lesson about motherhood: I never wanted to get married nor have kids. I knew two things: I didn’t want the responsibility of another human being (I liked my freedom) and I didn’t want to deal with death (whether my dying & leaving my child or my child dying & leaving me). What can I say…I saw things differently, even as a child.

Everything is temporary. “So much beauty and appreciation in life only happens because things are temporary” per Humble the Poet. This is a frightening and freeing reality. Parenthood is more of the same: cycles of life, temporary heartaches, pains, laughs, hopes, etc. Currently, I'm a wife and mother to three very different people.

From conception, motherhood is a labor of love. You immediately begin making the necessary sacrifices for your unborn baby. Motherhood is irrevocable; you never stop being a parent. Even in death, your legacy lives on to guide your child. This a commitment unlike anything you’ll ever experience.

Single, career-driven, party-girl turned mature misfit mama. I matured by default. I reluctantly forfeited my freedom with little to no “real” responsibility. The losses fail in comparison to the wisdom I gained; suddenly everything my mom said me made sense 🤦🏾‍♀️. My children saved my life. With each child, I gained faith, hope, joy…and GREY hair 🙆🏿‍♀️.

My goal was to teach them to fly. I mean we took flights, literally LOL. Should they lose altitude, I am there to catch them or pick them up. I taught them to honor their dreams with hard work. I taught them to make the hard decisions and have peace when it’s unpopular and even if we (their parents) disagree. I think we trained them up...

We have been impatiently waiting for them to graduate and spread their wings (C/O 2019 & 2020). You know, looking forward to our empty nest. It’s that part of you that wants to regain some of the freedoms you forfeited (judge your mama🤣). No matter how much we prepared, and trash talked, it was difficult to watch Junior fly the coop. COVID19 refused us the opportunity to accompany him to school. We were forced to be strong (we did not boast in our weakness 😬), putting our child on a plane to CONNECTICUIT…ALONE…to people we have never met #JesusBeAnAnxietyPill. As he began to shed a tear, so did I - his daddy sobbed (Lord we I gotta Holla at You about this whole women being the weaker vessel thang, IJS👂🏾😅). I told him, “This is what you worked and prayed for. You’re prepared for this journey”. I am tearing up as I type this. I stood at that gate until I couldn’t see him anymore. #LongestQuietestCarRideHomeEver

Today, I got a call from the Navy, looking for Cory. He decided to take a “gap year”. He recently took and passed the ASVAB. He hasn’t discussed anything with me yet.. There will be more tears shed soon. UGH! In eight years, Kam will be our finale.

Parenthood is a tough hood, ya mean?! It needs an understanding of when to push, when to pull, and when to fall back (still learning). It's the willingness to sacrifice time, sleep, money, food. Does your kids ask for your food? The hardest part of all is letting them go to walk their purpose. My young adult children no longer require physical protection, just emotional support and unconditional love.

Yes, a hefty part of me still frets about leaving my children in this world (and vice versa), but I am grateful to God for the opportunity to be their Misfit Mama.

A mother’s love is matchless.

#MisfitMamaNotUnfit